real life pop rocks

I was heading to my friend Brain's yesterday when there was a bomb threat on one of the trains, shutting down the lines. Some moron had actually wrapped a newspaper with tin foil and wrote "C-4" on it in marker, leaving it on the train. That, obviously, would explain all the cops I saw when the shuttle bus we were herded into rolled past one of the stations. There was even a bomb ROBOT that looked a whole-lot like Wall-e. I saw a real, working robot. I just wish I could have met it under better circumstances. Instead I was forced to listen the guy next to me on the shuttle ramble on about why exactly he "wants to go watch that midget stripper", and why it didn't make him a pervert.

When I finally got to Brain's, I tried to cheer him up, cause that was why I was there in the first place. I recalled a story that isn't even mine but can put a smile on any face, so I share it with you now.

At my mom's house there is a cat. This cat is really fat, which is why I call it Fatty McFatterson. Fatty is a slow-moving and filthy creature, huge in stature but with a mew like a newborn kitten. Fatty has been dealt a sad hand of cards in life.

In my mom's basement there is a cat door, which has served both Fatty and my cat, Zukes Longfellow Binabell Stout I, well for a few years. I wasn't there the day that Fatty decided to bop out the cat door and into the yard. Perhaps he saw a bird, maybe he wanted some fresh air. Whatever it was, he stepped out of the cat door and took a deep kitty breath.

It was then that he encountered a problem. His top half was outside, but his butt was still in the basement. Snugly tucked around his middle was the cat door.

He must have pushed and pulled for some time. Nobody knows HOW exactly our dear Fatty got his butt out of the basement, or how he managed to take the cat door with him. By all estimations he must have been running around the yard for quite some time before the neighbor found him and called us up. Again, I was not there, but I imagine the phone call to go something like this:

Neighbor: "Hey, are you missing a cat door?"

Mom "No..."

Neighbor: "Well you must be, cause it's in our yard. Wrapped around the cat."

I still wish with everything in me that someone had bothered to take a picture. Perhaps that would have made it sad though... and the picture in my head is plenty enough.

Mom put in a new cat door for robust cats a few days later. Fatty enjoyed coming and going as he pleased, at least until he peed everywhere and got himself banned from inside. He will forget the cat door incident, but I won't. I can never, ever forget.